Juggling
multiple personalities is something that Volunteers must come to
terms with. I was forced once again to do this this past Sunday at church during my going-away party in
Agbelouve. I came into the Presbyterian Church that I frequented during my
service not knowing what to expect. My moment arrived during the service, and
suddenly I was led out to be draped with a kente cloth, in Romanesque toga
style, with two young girls dressed in same said kente cloth attire standing on
either side of me (awkward...).
I realized that, “Oh man, this was more than I bargained for.” Good thing I prepared my speech ahead of time.
I realized that, “Oh man, this was more than I bargained for.” Good thing I prepared my speech ahead of time.
I was led
in by a procession of singing and dancing to Ewe hymns and handkerchiefs waved
around me and then draped over my neck. Then all became silent and I was given
the go-ahead nod from one of the elders in the church (whom I consider one of
my really good friends). It was time for my grand speech. How to encapsulate 2
years into one 5 minute speech? How do I demonstrate my appreciation for all
that my congregation and my community has done for me with just a simple
speech? This was ‘the moment,’ and I was afraid that I wouldn’t quite rise to
the occasion. Again, good thing that that I had written this thing out ahead of
time.
All in all,
I wouldn’t say that I smacked the ball out of the ballpark, but what I said was
heartfelt and seemed to be appreciated by the congregation. But that’s not
really what this post is about anyway. As the title suggests, it’s about the
multiple personalities that Volunteers must juggle in their communities and how
to deal with the ‘religion question’ as a PCV.
I wanted my
speech to mean something for the church; to be something that they would really
appreciate. What does that mean? That means I needed to get a least a little
‘religious’. How far do I need to go though? How far is too far? It was
something that I thought a lot about, as I have thought a lot about during my
service.
As a PCV
many of your old opinions, perspectives, and beliefs become challenged. Yes, I
would still label myself as ‘Christian’. So in that sense, I haven’t been lying
to my community. I think Jesus is a great model to live by, and that he was on
this earth to save us from something. Was that something ‘sin,’ in the sense of
an a demonic force that infects your soul and leads you to do bad things? I don’t know. And
the thing is, in my questioning of that belief, most of the people in my congregation would
probably not consider me a ‘Christian’.
Yet I have
insisted on coming to church regularly, as not only part of my integration into
the community, but to try to show that I am, in fact, a Christian. And why
exactly do I feel it’s important to show this? Not because I want to
demonstrate my fervent faith. But because I don’t want to ruin my reputation in
the community and I simply don’t want to have to answer any more religious
questions, or have to listen to anyone try to prophesy or testify me.
There seems to be this ethos, which is reinforced by the Peace Corps, that
people around the world are essentially the same and need and desire the same things. I don't know if my experience here quite fits with that. I've found that, although we can come to common terms on some things, we are very very different, and
that in some respects we can never really come to a full understanding of one
other.
So, needless
to say, my reasons for going to church are less than ‘pure’. As PCVS we say
certain things to people in our villages, and give particular reasons for our
actions/behaviors that are often only half-truths, if not flat-out lies, in
order to retain a certain image of ourselves in the community.
Thus, I was
worried about the speech. I wanted people to know that I consider myself a
Christian, I believe you can have a personal relationship with the Creator, but
I also believe much of the Bible is based on superstition, that many of the
stories are simply parables to teach us certain lessons.
I also had
to do a careful balancing act to look out for my replacement who was there in
attendance as an ‘honored guest’, and whom considers himself a humanist
philosopher, and thus isn’t big on the whole religion thing. So I wanted to make a
heartfelt speech while invoking God and certain Christian beliefs (that I
actually hold) while being sensitive to the fact that my replacement has to
spend 2 years here and doesn’t wanted to be hounded every Sunday at his
doorsteps with pleas to come to church and get saved.
The
reaction to the speech was mostly positive. But I still wonder if I went too
far in showing this particular side, or ‘personality’, of mine. The speeches by
the elders afterwards suggest, well, just maybe it was a bit much. “He has come
to church regularly and demonstrated his love of Jesus and his fervent faith,”
“I want you know that the youth of today have rejected the faith of their
mothers and fathers, but Tyler is an exception,” were two statements that made
me feel, slightly, well….uncomfortable. And the pressure Daniel’s already
getting to attend the church also suggests that maybe I went too far.
This is one
major quandary that defines the service of a Peace Corps Volunteer. What do you
retain from your life back home and what do you need to shed in order to become
a part of the community? In that sense, the Peace Corps is a constant balancing
act. Sometimes we get it right, and sometimes maybe we don’t. But in the end we are changed for the better;
and the multiple personalities we had to juggle during our service become
absorbed into one new personality, one that is more complete and has a much
richer perspective than the one that we first brought onto the plane that crazy
day 2 years ago.
